Stressed about stress tests
Aug. 10th, 2025 11:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
So I'm sitting here running some diagnostics and seeing if I can fix the problem. Hopefully I don't need a new computer.
Not really in a good place mentally, sometimes feeling I'm just one more bad day away from doing something that I'll surely regret.
I've been in a show, a super cool one. I've met some new indie bands and got to see some of my favourites. It was cool. However I think it highlighted how much of a social outcast I am. Ever since that, I've been struggling with socialization (I always did), and it's trully pushing me down into a hole thinking about that.
I'm tired, now very sick too, and overwhelmed as hell. I'm trying my best but I'm just so tired, so, so tired.
I'm sorry there's nothing smart, quirky or fun to say. I wish I could keep my online persona going for a bit longer.
To try and not be so negative, I can say that I've really enjoyed the time I got to spend with other people. The smallest conversations are bringing me genuine joy, even if they make me feel awful sometimes. There's much about me I'd wish to change right now, but if I can't do that, then I guess I'll have to just suck it up sometime soon.
Not now, though. For now, opening my eyes hurt. My throat is sore, my nose is running and I feel weak.
Perhaps that is a problem for another time, another me.
Then I'll just leave it at that and, say my goodbyes to the me that's this sad piece of nothing.
When you next hear of me, I hope I'll already be someone different.
I think I'm sleeping well lately, so why am I awake at 2AM?
Getting caught in drama is just my thing — it literally runs in my blood. That's on my father. Weird it is to watch people go. Usually it is so uncalled for that not even the grudges stick for that long.
I'm a diplomat, an empath, and a psychologist sometimes too. I also receive death threats on a regular basis. That's on me. So weird to see all these dead people in my social media, sometimes they move and I'm startled to remember they even existed in the first place, but I know they're dead! To me they are, anyway.
That's right, I'm a problem child, babe! I rock with that unemployment theme song 24/7 — yep, that's me. Sometimes I have so little free time I almost want to eat glue as punishment for daring to stand still while my instant noodles are cooking. Life's a game — I'm minmaxing, got optimization guides, spreadsheets and everything. — I'm also in constant agony derived from unreal expectations.
I wish I was smart — I'd only speak in haiku. Never would I touch a cellphone again, I'm tired of flashy machines, I like the old stuff!!!
What's love about, anyway? I thought I had it all figured out, then I entered a relationship and it turned me inside out (again). I do think that's what I need though, it's all me, me, me, and me all the time. I'm sick of you — get out of my head!
I'd be married to my job if I had one. I guess there's nothing left after all.
I really should get some sleep soon.
A few years ago, there was a thing on Tiktok and Twitter to make fun of "white people food", like chicken breast and steamed vegetables supposedly without any spice or seasoning, even salt. At the time I got offended mostly about the "white people" generalization", noting Europe's native pungents like mustard. But. ( Read more... )
There's this belief I've seen, exemplified by a recent Youtube comment:
everyone knows that cities can have grids.
but show a grid city and everyone will guess it's a North American city.
most cities in the world grew organically so grids aren't a big thing everywhere else. you might find a few grids here and there, but that's it. going all out on grids is a North America special.
( Read more... )